Thursday, October 25, 2012

230 days...a glimpse into the life of a military wife

I have had several people tell me over the years that I should write a book about being a military wife. A book that would give others insight in to the life a military wife, that would offer support and encouragement, and that would be a guide to always bring us back to God. I have to admit that I can hardly keep up with a blog these days let alone think of writing things down for a book. And, when I do have my moments of inspiration I am generally lying in bed about to take a nap and know that for the sake of the world I really should sleep instead of getting up and writing things down. (Sorry world…I do get crabby if I don’t sleep!)

I was thinking about the upcoming events in our lives and realized that I do need to write a couple things down. Not necessary for the world (but you are welcome to keep reading) but for the emotional sanity of myself. The last couple days have been absolute emotional chaos and a mental struggle for me. I keep getting after myself because I am wondering what in the world is my problem. Here is the dilemma…David is coming home soon and I am absolutely about to crawl out of my skin because I am so excited. But, at the same time I have been about to lose it multiple times a day in full out sobbing. See what I mean? I am going crazy!

Today I went to a military spouse support group (“Hi, my name is Kristi. I am married to a man in the Navy), it is actually more like a Bible study, but it really does help to hear other’s experience and insight. Well, I was sitting there clammed up in my shell about to sob at the thought of opening my mouth and either asking a question or giving input so I just listened. Toward the end Verna (thank you so much for putting the group together!!!) made a comment and it hit me in the face so hard because it is me. She said, “You don’t always have to be strong.” I really don’t remember what else she said, because those words were echoing in my head. For those of you who have talked to me lately and offered “condolences”  about David being gone have heard me frequently respond “I knew what we were getting into,” or “so many other spouses are gone for a lot longer,” or “ this is where God has called us to be” or the common Kristi phrase “it is all good.” Yes, all those responses are true, but I have to honestly say that I have been stuffing down my emotions so deeply. Why might you ask? For the sake of survival!

Being a military spouse is an absolute privilege, an honor that I wouldn't trade for the world.  Having David for a husband has been the best gift God has given me (just to be clear…only second to salvation) and I would choose to walk this journey with him again hands down. But, it is not easy. I have gotten up in the morning and gone to bed without my husband for the last 230 days. Trying my best to keep the household running smoothly. Every morning I have picked his little boy out of his crib and watched this little boy learn to walk, talk, run, dance, drink out of a sippy cup, hug, blow kisses, open doors, turn on my ipod (little stinker), and so much more without his daddy. We have tried so hard to tell daddy about everything that has happened. Sending countless pictures and stories, videos and letters, but still, he has been gone on a ship serving our country. I ask Eli, “Where is daddy?” And he will either go and find the ipod that has a picture of daddy on it or look at the computer where he watches his daddy videos or on occasion has seen daddy on Skype.

We are so excited to have David coming home, so excited that I can hardly express in words the emotions that I am feeling. I know that the emotional chaos I am feeling is because all those emotions that I have had to stuff down just to survive can soon be felt again because my best friend, the love of my life, the one who knows me better than anyone on this earth, my man is coming home. I am so thankful that God has given him to me and just pray that He brings him and everyone with him home safely and soon.

Alright enough of that! I am going to go and wipe my tears and try and get this place ready for a homecoming! I will leave you with one more thing…two pictures…one from the day David left and one of our big boy now. Thank you, all of you, for your prayers and support! We could not do this without all of you!