Sunday, November 8, 2009

Control freak...yup that's me!

I have noticed throughout my life that I like a certain amount of control, especially in a stressful situation. It is only natural; when you feel like you are drowning you want to hold on to something. I have seen this stressful control come out numerous times, whether it is in the amount of time that I put into something, such as studying (I probably studied way too much in college) or making a project that I am working on as close to perfect as possible, I like to control the situation. Now, most of you know that I do not always put on this face of control as I seem to have a horrible time with making any decision that involves the well being of myself and I almost break into a sweat if the decision involves anyone else, even if the decision is just where we are going to eat for lunch. Don’t like that kind of control. I am speaking more of I am going to hit the ball so hard in your face that you will not know what hit you volleyball control, something that gives me an outlet for my stress in a healthy way (don’t worry I haven’t hit anyone in the face since high school). Yes, it has come out. The stress has built up and I am taking it out on the volleyball.

At this point you are probably wondering what in the world I am taking about…good question…it is another insight that I have seen in my life from being a Navy wife. When I married David I envisioned a life that in many ways turned out to be different than reality, or in other words, the Navy had something else in mind for us (actually, pretty sure God just wanted to teach me another life lesson). Now, this was not necessarily a bad thing, it just meant that many areas of my life, almost all of them were out of my control resulting in some stressful situations. When David and I were living in Mukilteo and he had to leave from whatever period of time I depended on my cleaning and exercise. They became my control and whenever David was gone you could eat off of my floors. Moving back to Minnesota I still clean and clean frequently, but not as obsessed as I was when I was in Mukilteo. I think it has something to do with the fact that my mother is here to keep me in check and I have volleyball. (Side note: For those of you who have not had the opportunity to smack a volleyball as hard as you can against the wall…it feels so good.)

I have learned that no matter what stage of life you may be in, right now mine is obviously separation, God is always good, ALWAYS, and He gives us outlets. Outlets that let us be who we are, relieve stress, and refocus. Depending on where we are in life the outlet will change. It used to be cleaning like a crazy lady and now it is volleyball. Next month it might be…well I will let you know if it changes.

I am just amazing at how good God is! (Just for the record...I don't like that David is gone and would rather be with him, but if he were there are so many lessons I would not have learned yet, many to go still. And, I am actually ok with him being gone.) Hopefully I don’t bore you with these stories, insights...whatever you want to call them,. But, I feel like for some reason I need to write them down. Whether it is to actually see what God is teaching me, or to touch someone else’s life…I don’t know. But, until I figure that out, I guess I will keep writing.

1 John 3: 20 For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I can say 159% that I am PROUD to be a NAVY WIFE!

Yes, I know that it has already been almost a month since the last time I put anything on the blog. To be honest, I don’t have any fantastic pictures to put up. So (my favorite word) you get to hear from my heart. I have been thinking a lot lately about what I have learned from David’s deployment. The number one thing is that I really don’t like deployments. J But apart from that there have been some pretty amazing lessons that I have already learned. Now there is no way that I am going to say that these experiences are unique to a Navy wife because honestly, there are a lot of career paths out there that take our husbands, or in some cases, the wife away from the home. But, here is part of what has been going on in my head the last almost 2 months (2 down, 5 to go!!!!)

I have to admit that when David first stepped on that ship and waved good bye it was a little exciting. Exciting to know that he was off to see parts of the world that we have never been to, get some amazing experiences, and frankly it was really fun to see the ship prepare to leave the Warf (never seen that before). I also knew that I had a road trip with my Dad ahead of me and was excited to get back to Minnesota.

Then night time came. I declare that there are three phases of going to bed that occur during separation from our spouses. First phase: Denial. I remember lying in bed and almost telling myself lies by having a conversation in my head that David would be back tomorrow. I closed my eyes as fast as I could once I got into bed and prayed that I would fall asleep quickly (thankfully God listened to my prayers). The first phase lasted a night or two and then came phase two: Hogging the bed! The bed that I sleep in here at my parent’s house is smaller than the one that David and I have, but we had just been here to visit my family a week before he left. We had shared this bed and experienced the tightness so when I came back and didn’t have to share I took advantage and slept on the whole bed. It was wonderful. (I tried as hard as I could to find one of the comic strips of a crazy lady taking up all the room on the bed, but I think someone is going to have to draw it as I couldn’t find one. ) That is, until phase three set in: Lonely again. This all happened within a week and a half and I laughed to myself as all of the sudden I was curled up on my side of the bed wishing David was behind me when just the night before I had claimed the whole bed as mine (!!!!!!!!!!!).

Now that I think about it and have actually written it all out I am going to have to add a fourth phase and that is where God has stepped in and been teaching me lessons beyond what I could have learned before. Phase four (prepare yourself it is a long one): Never go to bed without telling your spouse you love them, let them know they mean the world to you, kisses them, hug them, be selfless, and more than that, pray for them every day!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I can say 159% that I am PROUD to be a Navy Wife!

Yes, I know that it has already been almost a month since the last time I put anything on the blog. To be honest, I don’t have any fantastic pictures to put up. So (my favorite word) you get to hear from my heart. I have been thinking a lot lately about what I have learned from David’s deployment. The number one thing is that I really don’t like deployments. J But apart from that there have been some pretty amazing lessons that I have already learned. Now there is no way that I am going to say that these experiences are unique to a Navy wife because honestly, there are a lot of career paths out there that take our husbands, or in some cases, the wife away from the home. But, here is part of what has been going on in my head the last almost 2 months (2 down, 5 to go!!!!)

I have to admit that when David first stepped on that ship and waved good bye it was a little exciting. Exciting to know that he was off to see parts of the world that we have never been to, get some amazing experiences, and frankly it was really fun to see the ship prepare to leave the Warf (never seen that before). I also knew that I had a road trip with my Dad ahead of me and was excited to get back to Minnesota.

Then night time came. I declare that there are three phases of going to bed that occur during separation from our spouses. First phase: Denial. I remember lying in bed and almost telling myself lies by having a conversation in my head that David would be back tomorrow. I closed my eyes as fast as I could once I got into bed and prayed that I would fall asleep quickly (thankfully God listened to my prayers). The first phase lasted a night or two and then came phase two: Hogging the bed! The bed that I sleep in here at my parent’s house is smaller than the one that David and I have, but we had just been here to visit my family a week before he left. We had shared this bed and experienced the tightness so when I came back and didn’t have to share I took advantage and slept on the whole bed. It was wonderful. (I tried as hard as I could to find one of the comic strips of a crazy lady taking up all the room on the bed, but I think someone is going to have to draw it as I couldn’t find one. ) That is, until phase three set in: Lonely again. This all happened within a week and a half and I laughed to myself as all of the sudden I was curled up on my side of the bed wishing David was behind me when just the night before I had claimed the whole bed as mine (!!!!!!!!!!!).

Now that I think about it and have actually written it all out I am going to have to add a fourth phase and that is where God has stepped in and been teaching me lessons beyond what I could have learned before. Phase four (prepare yourself it is a long one): Never go to bed without telling your spouse you love them, let them know they mean the world to you, kisses them, hug them, be selfless, and more than that, pray for them every day!